1. Shopping trolleys with one bad wheel
As if shopping isnt stressful enough, hardley makes for a pleasant shopping experience when you have to wrestle the trolley round the store because out of the thousands sitting there glistening, you happen to choose the one with the dodgey wheel. As if to further mock you, it decides to remain annonymous until the trolley is half loaded with a mountain of junk food and a tube of caniston duo sat proudly on top. A particuarly horrific shopping experience of mine entailed numerous chaotic scenes. A tricky maneover around a perfectly arranged display of arse wipes, results in a near miss of me getting half a warehouse of double quilted velvet in my face. Speeding down the fruit and vege isle, a momentary distraction curtosy of the phallic fruits section, leaves me with a split second decision to make. vere left and squeeze past a woman that, frankley should have her own postcode, or make a sharp turn right and risk maiming a small child. I opt for the lesser of the two evils and leave the enormous woman face down amongst the mangos, in doing so collide with a stale grey cloud and realise i've just mounted an old dear. Now stripped of all my dignity, i abandon the troublesome trolley and leave empty handed, deciding to place my shaken faith in a wilko's wheely basket.
2. People who give their children obscure and wierd names
We all know how cruel children can be at school, so why make yours an easy target? That poor child has to live with a ludicrous name until they are old enough to have it changed. You are not making a bold, individual statement or setting a new trend by naming your child something that could easily be used in the next lemmings game or mugwi movie, like Dweezil, Rumer or Moxie. And as delicious as you think youre darling cherubs are, it is not acceptable to name them after fruits or herbs such as pear, apple or sage.
3. Shop assistants desperate to sell
Sometimes a shopper just wants to casually browse, or discretely admire the latest expensive garment to add to the everincreasing wish list, I for one do not need to be hounded by an over-enthusiastic shop assistant, desperately trying to find something to compliment about my figure and lulling me into a false pretense until i feel the garment is a must-have. I end up trying on sizes that are always shockingly small and aimed at stick thin models, whilst blissfully unaware of the price tag which is of course ridiculously too large. Worse yet is the feeling of guilt after having to come out the changing rooms with a feeble weak excuse that the pattern wasnt quite centred enough..when of course, the real reason is that it was 5 sizes too small and way out of your price range.
4. Bald men who have pony tails
It looks like a bald cat stuck up a turkey and its seriously not attractive. I know you feel as if youre holding on to the last bit of fadeing youth by keeping a few strands of thinning locks, but in fact it makes you look older...and desperate to resist natures way. Go bald!! It can be quite appealing ;)
5. Orlando Bloom
Dramatic over-actor that tries to hard. Sure, hes nice to look at....but the appeal stops there.
I hope you found amusement in my mishaps and slandering. What a relief that we live in such a facist world ;)
